Paper Dolls Read online

  “Tell you what?”

  “All the dirty little details of your loverboy? Is he packing as much as those plastic versions you sell?”

  I tasted a bitterness on my tongue. “Don’t refer to my boyfriend’s…thing in the same sentence as a dildo. Actually don’t refer to it at all. Ever.” Salem was not allowed to know or even think about Clay in that way.

  “Come on, Aria. It’s me. You can tell me. Is it huge? It’s huge, isn’t it? I promise not to stare when I finally get to meet him.”

  Jesus Christ. “I don’t know. We haven’t…you know.”

  “You guys haven’t fucked?”

  I made a face. “Do you have to call it that?”

  “What’s wrong with fuck?”

  “It just sounds so…crass.”

  “Sex is crass. It’s not like in the movies. Forget candles and violins and the tender press of two bodies. It’s dirty and noisy and real. Slapping flesh, grunting, bumping uglies, rooting, doing it. Hard and fast and rough.” Salem began to thrust her hips up at the air, making guttural noises in her throat while her face twisted into ugly expressions of pleasure and pain. Oh hell. I just got a look at how I might look when I…

  I slapped her arm. “Stop it. Clay’s not like that.”

  Thankfully she ceased her air-humping and rearranged herself on the pillow before giving me a look. “Clay’s a guy. All guys are like that.”

  “He’s not.”

  “Whatever. So, what are you waiting for?”

  “Just…for the timing to be right.”

  “And for unicorns to fart rainbows and doves to shit fairy dust.” She made a dramatic sigh. “They do call it ‘hopeless romantic’ for a reason.”

  I pressed my lips together. “What’s wrong with wanting romance?”

  “It’s the same as wanting a dragon as a pet. It’s not real and you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.”

  I decided to ignore this. “I have to get ready for work.” I threw off the sheets and climbed out of bed. I could feel Salem’s eyes on me as I padded around my room, gathering my clothes. My annoyance loosened. She had reasons for being cynical. Perhaps if she could just see Clay and me together, she’d change her mind.

  “So, I was thinking that maybe I could invite Clay over one night this week,” I said casually.

  I saw her stiffen. “So you want me out of here.”

  “What? No. I want you to meet him.”

  “Why do I need to meet him?”

  “Because…you’re the two most important people in my life.”

  “He’s important to you. Not to me.”

  “Come on, Salem. I could cook us all dinner.”

  She scrunched up her face. “Have dinner with Mr and Mrs Perfect? No, thanks.”

  “It’ll be fun.”

  She let out a snort. “Fun is drinking a fifth of vodka and dancing until 5 a.m. Fun is not sitting around eating wholemeal pasta with you two lovebirds.”

  “Okay…you’re obviously not in the best mood.” I walked to the shower. “I’ll ask you again later.”

  “The answer will still be no,” she called out.

  I was going to ask Clay about dinner with Salem as he walked me to work that morning. But he was a deathly silent and only managed one-syllable answers as we walked down the sidewalk. He held my hand in a death grip and practically dragged me down the street, his long legs pumping like pistons.

  “Clay,” I tugged back at his hand. “Slow down.”

  “Oh. Right. Sorry.” He slowed down for me.

  “What’s up?”

  He paused before saying, “Nothing.”

  And that’s all he would say.

  I felt instinctively that he just needed some silence. Salem would get like this sometimes. All quiet and intense. Any attempts to draw her out of that state would only seem to push her in further. But if I let her be, then she would come out herself when she was ready.

  Clay remained silent and broody for the rest of the way. When we reached the Whip & Flick I wasn’t sure if I’d even get a proper goodbye. But he grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me towards him, the look on his face stopping me in my tracks. He looked torn, as if something clawed at him from the inside, his eyes glassy and forehead furrowed as if it hurt. Something was wrong. My annoyance seeped right out of me. “Clay?”

  He crashed his lips down onto mine. This kiss was unlike any kiss we had shared before. It felt like…goodbye, filled with desperate needing, as he clung to me like a little boy lost. I felt his heart flapping like a scared bird against my own chest, fear of some foreseen, inevitable pain. As if the earth might crack open between our feet and separate us.

  …my mind misgives, some consequence yet hanging in the stars…

  It scared me right down to my bones.

  I pulled away, not being able to take any more. “Clay,” I whispered, fear gripping my throat. “What’s wrong?”

  “I… It’s nothing,” he breathed against me “Just…work stuff.”

  Clay was lying. It was the first time that he had lied to me.

  Before I could respond his phone dinged. He pulled it out of his pocket and stared at the text message, his brows drawing together. He turned, his eyes never reaching mine. “I gotta go.”

  “Who was that?”

  “No one important,” he called back over his shoulder. I watched his rapidly retreating back. What had gotten under his skin? Who had texted him? And what had that text said?

  “Are we still on for tonight?” I yelled.

  But he was already too far gone.

  That afternoon when my shift ended I was surprised to see Clay waiting across the road, leaning against the door of his parked car. I let the door of the Whip & Flick swing shut behind me. Flick was still inside so I didn’t have to lock up.

  I approached him cautiously as if one sudden movement would cause him to take flight. “You’re here.”

  “Of course I’m here.” He laughed at me and tugged at my hair when I reached him. “Why are you looking at me as if I might suddenly grow an extra head?”

  I peered at him. There was no sign of the Clay from this morning. Almost as if it had been a different person. “I’m just trying to make sure it’s you.”

  “Who else would I be?”

  “I don’t know. The Clay from this morning was someone I’d never seen before.”

  His eyes dulled for a second, as if a storm cloud had passed before his mind. Then it disappeared, leaving just the brightness to his face that I knew. He chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sorry about this morning. Just work stuff. I’ve fixed it now.”

  He’s lying to you. But why?

  He interrupted my thoughts with a kiss, unhurried and tender and sending rushes of feeling through my body. But part of me felt like this kiss…was too perfect. Almost like he was trying to cover up the kiss from this morning. As if he was trying to show just how ‘normal’ everything was.

  What about Salem? You haven’t told him that she’s back. Don’t get mad that he’s hiding things from you if you’re still hiding things from him.

  I’m not hiding. Just waiting for the right time.

  Maybe he’s just waiting for the right time too.

  “I have something to tell you,” I blurted out as he pulled his lips off mine.

  “Do I get three guesses?”

  “I don’t want to make a game out of this.”

  “Come on. Let me guess. Hmm…you’ve decided to leave me to join a travelling Shakespeare troupe.”

  “No.”

  “You’re going to start a band named the Udderly Irresistibles?”

  “Come on, Clay, be serious.”

  “I am always serious about music and Shakespeare.”

  “Salem is back.”

  He froze, his whole body tensing against me. His lips pursed together. He let go of me and moved aside to open the passenger door to his car to let me in. I climbed in and he shut the door. Through the silent bubble I watched as he walke
d slowly around the car.

  There was a moment when the sounds of the world tumbled in through his open driver’s door before he climbed into the driver’s seat and shut it behind him. The world became muffled again. His lips were still pressed together as he put his hands on the steering wheel.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

  His hands slipped from the wheel into his lap as he let out a breath. “What do you want me to say, Aria? Salem’s back. Wow. That’s great. You must be really happy.”

  I frowned at him. There was an edge to his voice… It reminded me of something. It reminded me of how Salem sounded when I spoke about him. “I am,” I said slowly.

  “The prodigal sister returns, huh? It’s you and Salem again. Like old times. Good old times. Call the Daily Times.”

  He was rambling. Why was he rambling?

  Something flashed across his face. He was afraid. What was he so afraid of?

  I grabbed his arm, stopping him so I could face him. “This doesn’t change anything between us, Clay.”

  “Yeah, sure. Nothing changes and yet everything does.”

  He didn’t believe me. And I even didn’t believe me. He wasn’t the main person in my life anymore. That position was now shared. Between Salem and Clay. My stomach started to grip with a looming warning.

  “Do you want to have dinner with Salem and me?”

  He looked at me as if I had struck him. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Why would I kid about that? I can cook, something simple. I don’t have a dining table but we could sit on the floor like the Japanese do. You could bring wine…”

  He frowned and he looked as if he was choosing his next words carefully. “Is she okay with this dinner arrangement?”

  No, but he didn’t need to know that. I just needed one of them to say yes first, then I would get to work on convincing the other. “Why wouldn’t she be?”

  “I just don’t see why Salem would agree to dinner with me when she’s already made it perfectly clear that−”

  “Clear that what?”

  “Nothing. Forget I said anything.” He started the car and pulled out into the road.

  “No, finish your sentence. You said you didn’t see why Salem would agree to have dinner with you when she’s made it perfectly clear that…” Realisation stung me like nettles. “Oh my God. You met her already.”

  He sighed, resigned, and I knew I had guessed right. “I came by earlier this morning. She answered the door. I…I thought she was you.”

  My blood went cold as an image of Clay smiling at Salem as if she were me came into my mind, his dark eyes sparkling like gems. Hey angel, I missed you. He leaned in to kiss her.

  “What happened this morning?” I demanded.

  “Nothing. She told me who she was before I could… She said you were busy getting ready.”

  I could see Salem flinching out of his grasp. Don’t touch me.

  Surprise broke apart the smile on his face. Aria?

  I’m not Aria, freak.

  Was this why Clay was so upset this morning? Of course it was. Stupid girl.

  The remnants of the anger from this morning curled at his top lip. “Why didn’t you tell me she was back?”

  “I’m sorry. It only just happened. I was waiting for the right time…” My excuses sounded lame even to me. “Why didn’t you tell me you met her this morning?”

  “I don’t know. I figured I’d let her tell you…or something.” There was something in his voice that struck me. He was afraid of her. Afraid of Salem. Salem could be so unpredictable. And when she didn’t like someone…

  “What did she say to you? What did she do?”

  He grimaced. “I…don’t think she likes me.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  He swallowed, his eyes were focused unblinking at the road. “I just don’t want to cause anything… I don’t want to get in between you.”

  Things were falling apart before they started. “Okay, so maybe dinner isn’t a good idea. Not yet.”

  He let out a huge breath. “Aria, don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t get the feeling that Salem is the kind that shares.”

  His words stabbed my skin and wriggled underneath me. Just you and me, Rosey. I feared he was right.

  No, I refused to believe that I couldn’t have Clay and Salem both happily in my life. I would fix this. They just needed to get used to the other. Over time they would warm up to each other, once they both saw that I wasn’t going to ditch one for the other, that I wouldn’t choose between them, they would be more understanding of each other. Then I could introduce them properly. Then we could sit down for dinner. Me, Salem and Clay.

  One happy family.

  There was no cinema in Mirage Falls so Clay drove us to Noosa. At least movies were one thing we could agree on. There was enough darkness in my life that I didn’t need to see it in films. Clay agreed. We watched an animated film, a light, funny flick.

  After the movie was over we strolled along the low wooden boardwalk on Noosa beach. He bought me an ice cream cone from a small gelateria stand.

  “You’re not having one?” I asked him when he paid for mine without ordering another for himself.

  He shook his head and grinned. “I’m sweet enough.”

  I rolled my eyes. As we walked side by side I took a large lick of my ice cream, then another one. It was only once it was almost totally gone that I noticed him starting at me, his top teeth biting into his bottom lip as if he was trying to hold down a smile.

  “What?”

  He shook his head and that bottom lip escaped into a full blown grin. “I just enjoy watching you eat that ice cream.”

  I blushed. I took another bite. A large one. One that made my head throb from the coldness. He was still looking at me. “You want a bite?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “Quick before it’s all gone.”

  “You enjoy it.”

  I frowned. “I don’t have cooties or anything.”

  “I’m not scared of cooties. I kissed you, remember?”

  “Don’t you like ice cream?”

  “I do, I just…” He shrugged. “I have to watch my diet.”

  I almost snorted chunky monkey nutter butter out my nose. “You? Diet?” I gave him a look over. No wonder he stayed in such great shape if he wouldn’t even eat a single bite of ice cream. “Well, I feel like a fatty now.”

  He stopped us, right in the middle of the boardwalk, amidst grumbles of other beachside walkers. “You are perfect. And I’ll challenge anyone who says otherwise. Even you.” He leaned down to cover my mouth with his. I think I dropped the last of my cone. Ice cream, even chunky monkey nutter butter ice cream, had nothing on his kisses. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair and losing myself further and further in him. The mutterings and footsteps of people moving around us faded away. When had I stopped caring what strangers thought?

  Finally he pulled his lips away. He kept his arm around my waist as he led me off the boardwalk. “You ready for me to take you home?”

  I certainly was not. I felt so awake that I may never fall asleep again. In fact that kiss was still tingling through my arms and legs like a live wire.

  I cleared my throat and tried to make my suggestion as casual as possible. “Why don’t we go to yours? The night’s still young and I don’t have to work tomorrow…”

  He tensed against me as we continued to walk to the car. “You don’t want to come back to mine.”

  I frowned. “Why not?”

  “It’s a mess.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “Well, I do.”

  “I’ve never been to your apartment.”

  “It’s not that exciting.”

  “But I’ve never even seen it before.”

  “Maybe another time, okay? I have something to do tomorrow morning. I’m pretty tired.”

  “What are you up to? Can I come?”

 
“No. It’s just errand stuff. Really boring. You wouldn’t want to come.” But he wasn’t looking at me as he said it.

  * * *

  “You’re home early,” Salem said from the couch as I walked in the door later that night. “It’s not even midnight. Didn’t the date with loverboy go well?”

  “It was great.” But even I could tell there was something flat in my voice.

  She raised an eyebrow.

  I didn’t want to talk about it. I wasn’t even sure I knew myself what it was that I didn’t want to talk about. The date really was amazing like it always was with Clay. It was just the end bit…after I said I wanted to go over to his place.

  “I asked Clay about the three of us having dinner.” I said, changing the subject.

  Clay had said goodbye to me on the sidewalk. He hadn’t even wanted to come up to the front door.

  Salem sat with her arms crossed on the couch. The top of her lip twitched. “What did he say?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you met Clay?”

  She scowled. “Did loverboy tell on me, did he?”

  “No. I guessed it based on his reaction to−” I sighed. I had wanted to have been the one to introduce them, in a controlled environment. This morning would have been a shock for Clay, not knowing that Salem was even back, and a shock for Salem, not realising that Clay would be coming. Usually he waited for me on the sidewalk so I hadn’t thought to warn her. “What happened between you two?”

  Her eyes narrowed to slits. “What are you implying, dear sister?”

  “I’m not implying anything. I’m just asking what happened this morning when you met.”

  “Nothing. He came to the door. I told him to come back later as you were otherwise occupied. End of story.”

  No, it wasn’t. I knew there was something Salem wasn’t telling me.

  Add that to the list.

  That night I couldn’t sleep.

  I listened to Salem’s heavy breathing and stared up at the ceiling, thinking over everything that had happened today. Clay’s strange behaviour this morning after he met Salem. The text. His refusal to take me back to his apartment.